(Preferably a lot of the last one).
When I landed in Sri Lanka, my first stop on my big life-changing trip, I thought there would be this immediate zen-like experience that would engulf me… the “I’m a carefree traveller with no one to answer to” feeling, sitting in a café watching the World go by and writing something deep and meaningful to capture the moment.
What it was in reality was a very different experience – on the first day, having got dressed and ready to take on Columbo city, I hesitated before turning the door handle of my room, a pit started to form in my stomach and I totally froze.
From then, it took me over an hour of sitting down, standing back up, changing my top to something more covered up, checking everything in my bag two, three times – anything to essentially buy time before I had to go outside and face a totally new territory on my own.
I wanted to cry with frustration – I’d spent months building up to this moment, the moment to take on this new adventure on my own and let my strong independent female shine… but where was she?
‘Just keep putting one foot in front of the other’ I thought, ‘and remember why you came here to do this. To see incredible places and meet new people – you won’t be doing that from the safety of your hotel room.’
Once I eventually stepped outside over two hours later, I set a steely look on my face, determined to not show how terrified and disoriented I was. The usual thrill of exploring a new city was dampened by the thousands of fears rising up inside me – ‘What if I get something stolen? What if I get lost? What if people look at me strangely?’
Well – guess what – people did look at me strangely. As a tourist in a completely tourist-free area, and a woman walking alone at that, there were plenty of stares.
But after a while, I noticed people also smiled and waved – an old couple hanging out their washing, a school bus full of little girls, a toothless old man sitting in the front of his shop. People ran up to me to say hello, and asked politely if they could take a picture with me.
And I realised – my fear is just coming from a lack of trust.
Whether it be because of Covid, a lack of travel, or an overload of media hype, I developed a cynicism of strangers, that their intentions are questionable and that I need to be wary.
Don’t get me wrong, I do think any traveller should always be careful, especially as a solo woman, but the strangers I’ve met so far are some of the most helpful and genuine people I’ve ever encountered – especially the locals, who are so proud of their beautiful country and trying desperately to encourage tourists to come back.
I got lucky enough to meet an incredible woman on the way to Sri Lanka, someone who has just finished a year of travel, just as I’m beginning. There seemed to be a beautiful kind of poetry to that, and we hit it off immediately. Through her and the countless other travellers I met in the following days, my confidence increased and I stopped worrying about the worst case scenario all the time. I realised it’s ok to get lost, to not be sure of your next step, and even to take a pause and just stay still for a while until you figure it out.
It’s been almost a month since that day in Columbo, and I won’t lie, I’m still getting there. It’s difficult to adjust to a slower, carefree pace of life after so many years working in a fast-paced city (where strangers usually avoid each other), and even more difficult to go with the flow and not plan everything ahead like I usually do.
What’s less difficult is learning to trust people as I go, be it other travellers or locals – which has already earned me a few lifelong friends and a bunch of adventures. The girl from a month ago was too scared to step outside her hotel, and now that same girl is huddled into a crowded bus with the locals, laughing together at the manic driving and snapping selfies with the kids. The stares are still there – a guy even facetimed his wife to show me to her (that was a really odd one) – but instead of feeling awkward, I smile and wave. 9 times out of 10 they do it back and we all go about our day.
“I remembered that the real world was wide, and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations and excitements, awaited those who had the courage to go forth into it’s expanse, to seek real knowledge of life amidst it’s perils.”
Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
A colleague shared this beautiful quote with me before I left on my travels, and I look at it every time I feel doubt or fear about what I’m doing or where I am.
While I’m not one for wallowing, I think it’s important to share the lows as well as the highs – something that just doesn’t show in the World of social media. I want to reassure anyone travelling solo, or even otherwise, that it’s normal to be scared, and that while there is an adjustment period, it’s not just the support of people back home that can get you through it – there’s also a huge amount of support to be had in acquaintances along the way if you can open up to them.
Opening up to the ones I’ve met over the last few weeks has made all the difference for me.
And now… it’s time to enjoy.
